Use Head Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Use Head
View 1 - 10 results for use head comic strips. Discover the best "Use Head" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 17,
1998
Tags #drug treatment program, #registration form, #objective, #battering ram, #use head
Transcript
Caption: Drug Treatment Program Counselor sitting behind his desk says to Alice, "Alice, I'd like to talk to you about your registration form." Counselor refers to memo and says, "Under 'objective,' you said you want to use my 'turnip-shaped head as a battering ram to break out of here.'" Alice approaches Counselor with duct tape in hand. Counselor says, "Alice drop the duct tape." Alice replies, "Stay tense; that will help."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 09,
2011
Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics
Transcript
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Monday January 04,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #alice, #the boss, #head, #belt-o-authority, #electric, #shocks, #performance, #theory
Transcript
The Boss holds a box and says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Everybody take one and fasten it securely around your head." Dilbert, Wally and Alice wear receivers on their heads. The Boss explains, "From time to time I'll use my 'Belt-O-Authority' to send you painful electric shocks." Dilbert asks, "When our performance is bad?" The Boss replies, "That's one theory, sure."
Wednesday July 20,
1994
Tags #head of market research, #120k salary, #value opinions, #refrence, #honesty, #pay these days
Transcript
"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."
Saturday January 29,
2000
Tags #stressed out, #work, #feel better, #verbally abused, #co worker, #money spit, #use that one
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting between Wally and Ted and thinks: "I'm stressed out about work. Maybe I'd feel better if I verbally abused a co-worker." Ted raises his hand and screams to Dilbert: "You worthless piece of monkey spit!" Dilbert turns to Ted and thinks: "Dang. I was going to use that one." Ted rests his feet on the table, puts his hands on the back of his head and says: "Aah..."
Friday May 16,
2003
Tags #alice, #giant magnifying glass, #death ray, #too warm, #head too warm
Transcript
Catbert says to Alice, "Alice, I understand you've been using a giant magnifying glass as a death ray in the office." Alice responds, "It's not a death ray, I use it only to burn off toupees." Catbert replies, "Oh.. that's okay." A co-worker asks Dilbert, "Is your head too warm? My toupee is too warm."
Monday October 01,
2018
Use Company Products
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #Wally, #asok, #alice, #attention, #products, #required, #use, #bad, #sign
Transcript
The Boss: It has come to my attention that none of you use the products we make. From now on you are all required to use our products. Asok: Aaaarg!!! Dilbert: Shoot me. The Boss: That's a bad sign. Wally: Nooo!!!
Friday August 21,
2020
5 G Gives You A Bird Head
Tags #business, #technology, #social media, #bird head, #study, #apathy, #5g
Transcript
dilbert: according to people on social media, our 5g technology will "give you a bird head." maybe we should study it a bit more. wally: nah, i'd wait until we see a beak.
Friday December 09,
2011
Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head
Transcript
Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.
Thursday April 19,
2012
Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated
Transcript
Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.