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89 Results for Useful Articles
View 1 - 10 results for useful articles comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Articles" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 27,
2003
Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Friday May 06,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #envy, #useful member of society, #admiration, #respect, #peers, #talked out of
Transcript
Wally: I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society. Then I could enjoy the admiration and respect of my peers. Dilbert: The way you respect and admire me? Wally: Great! Now you've talked me out of it!
Friday July 15,
2011
Tags #magic, #supernatural practices, #sacred dance, #cucbicle, #useful by comparison
Transcript
Dilbert: It is time for the sacred dance of the cubicle. Hi-aw-ah-hee hu-ha-ya-ya wa-ha-ya-yi. That should make everything I do today seem useful by comparison.
Wednesday May 30,
2012
Tags #meetings, #8am, #meeting, #useful work, #insulting, #good time management, #overlap, #business
Transcript
Coworker: Can you come to my meeting at 8am tomorrow? Dilbert: No. I reserve the first few hours of every morning for useful work. Coworker: That feels like an insult. Dilbert: I call it good time management. There's a lot of overlap.
Monday August 24,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #good, #articles, #paper, #magnets, #sign, #language, #write, #white, #influence, #project, #working, #minutia
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding a newspaper and says, "There are two good articles in the paper today; one about magnets, and one on sign language." The Boss continues, "I'd like you to write a white paper on how these items could influence the project you're working on." Dilbert asks, "Do you even know what project I'm working on?" The Boss replies, "I don't have time to get into minutia."
Saturday October 08,
1994
Tags #two people, #focus group, #loved prodcut, #not statistically useful, #free food, #sandwhiches
Transcript
The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production. Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful. ...especially if you're one of the two people. The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.
Friday October 27,
1995
Tags #redundant projects, #big binder, #seems useful, #useless binders, #build my addition
Transcript
A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Three other people asked for that same information. You must be on redundant projects." The man hands Dilbert a binder and says, "Here's a big binder which at first glance seems useful, but you'll realize later it's not." The man says, "I've got a few more useless binders. Do you want 'em?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I'm using them to build an addition to my cubicle."
Wednesday November 12,
1997
Tags #many fcators, #Features, #usage, #secret pact, #useful information, #gave information
Transcript
Dilbert says, "...Well, that depends on many factors involving features and usage." A marketing guy glares. The marketing guy says, "Do you engineers have a secret pact to withhold all useful information? you haven't answered one question and it's already... um..." Dilbert says, "Two o'clock." At the lunch table, Alice and Wally grill Dilbert. Wally says, "We hear you gave information to marketing." Dilbert sweats, "Just the time of day. He would have found out anyway!!"
Thursday April 23,
1998
Tags #cartoonist, #ceo, #conference, #Dilbert, #key note speakers, #politician, #useful content
Transcript
AT THE CONFERENCE Dilbert: They have some great key note speakers here. There s a CEO....A politician....another CEO...and a cartoonist. Speaker: IN they cartoon, Gilbert goes to a conference that has no useful content. Dilbert: I know guys like that,
Thursday July 30,
1998
Tags #useful skills, #raising issues, #salespeople, #new prodcut, #have a meeting, #oxygen being wasted
Transcript
Ted stands behind Dilbert. Dilbert sits at his computer. Ted says, "I have no useful skills or knowledge. I compensate by 'raising issues'." Ted announces, "Our salespeople haven't been trained for the new product!!" Ted says, "Someone should have a meeting about that." Dilbert says, "Wow, I can actually hear oxygen being wasted."