Uses Program Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

189 Results for Uses Program

View 1 - 10 results for uses program comic strips. Discover the best "Uses Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering, #uses program, #marketing, #prodcut, #urrelevant, #engineers, #same as marketeers, #sitting in cave, #rocks are edicble, #recipes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Stan in marketing works at his computer while Dilbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "Everybody in engineering uses this program I wrote. I think marketing should turn it into a product." Stan replies, "I wouldn't buy this." Dilbert tells Stan, "That's irrelevant because the target market would be engineers." Stan says, "Engineers think the same as marketeers." Dilbert replies, "If that were true we'd be sitting in a cave trying to decide if rocks are edible." Stan points to the computer and says, "You know, you could keep recipes on this."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #prisoners, #warden, #jail, #profitable, #executed, #costs, #joke of the day, #program

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several men in bathrobes and slippers. Dogbert says, "Attention, prisoners! This is Warden Dogbert speaking!" Dogbert continues, "My jail has not been profitable. I've decided to have you all executed to reduce operating costs." Dogbert walks away thinking, "The 'Joke of the Day' program seems wasted on these people."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pundits, #press, #keyboard with no q, #public relations, #fiasco, #engineering solution, #graphics program, #semi colon

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk, reading a newspaper. Dilbert says, "The pundits in the press are nailing us for shipping a keyboard with no 'Q.'" Dilbert continues, "It's a public-relations fiasco. Obviously, we need an engineering solution. I'm on the case." Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. Dilbert says, "Users could use a graphics program to draw a 'Q' in the unlikely event that they need one." Wally says, "Or we could replace the semi-colon; nobody uses them."

Computers Program Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Computers Program Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots, #program, #intelligence, #control, #medication, #medicine, #pill, #technology, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: It is time to take your mood-altering prescription meds. Boss: Oh, right. Robot: Wait... IBM's Watson computer has added another prescription and sent it to your 3-D pill printer at home. Do you think robots will ever program humans? Boss: That's dumb.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #program website, #collect browser hostory, #invent device, #sense of right and wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: How hard would it be to program our website to collect browser history from our visitors? Dilbert: well, first Id need to invent some sort of device that reverses my sense of right and wrong. The Boss: so...we we talking about a week ...or a month?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #fire wally, #can't risk, #zeberpupin system, #only one, #program, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #inventions, #computers, #program themsleves, #machine intelligence, #destroy civilization, #plan a, #live unhealthy, #lifestyle, #plan b, #techno terrorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #military policy, #missile program, #orphanage, #roof of orphange, #test missle, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian: Our missile program is the pride of Elbonia! Yesterday we launched a test missile that went a hundred yards before ripping the roof off an orphanage. Dogbert: You test your missiles near orphans? Elbonian: What are the odds they'd be unlucky three times?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #program, #pick-up line, #mel gibson, #savage

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."