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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #contrators, #company air, #employees only, #own air supply, #using light

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Headline: Catbert: Evil HR Director. Catbert leans over a Carl's cubicle wall. Catbert says, "Contractors are not allowed to breath company air, Carl." Catbert continues, "This air is for employees only. You need to supply your own air." Carl, Dilbert, and Wally are sitting at a conference table. Carl is wearing an oxygen tank and mumbles, "Mmb, Bmf, Rmn, Hmr!" Dilbert turns to Wally and asks, "Does anyone understand Carl?" Wally replies, "Hey! He's using our light!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #processor load, #took advice, #laser pointers, #light sabers

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "Our breakthrough came when we distributed the processor load." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. Asok raises his arms and exclaims, "It's about time that you took my advice! Hallelujah! Good for you!" Dilbert says, "If laser pointers were light sabers, you'd be looking for your torso." Asok responds, "Ha ha! You're using my joke! Good one!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

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Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #groceries & grocery stores, #natural disasters, #saving & investment, #complete meltdown, #financial system, #six months, #Food, #water, #batteries, #gold coins, #light on defensive weapontry, #protein bars, #money

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Dilbert: I'm preparing for the complete meltdown of our financial system. I've got six months of food and water. I have batteries, flashlights, and gold coins. Alice: I'm prepare too. I have your home address. And I noticed that your preparations are light on defensive weaponry. Can you add some protein bars to the shopping list?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #inventions, #bend light, #around obkject, #cloak of invisibility, #make billions, #selling to military, #tricked, #ploy, #sneaky, #empty looking chair

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Wally: I discovered a way to bend light around an object to form a cloak of invisibility. We'll make billions selling it to the military. I'll be testing it over the next several months. You'll know it's working if you never see me in the office. During that time, don't sit in any empty-looking chairs unless you first shout my name and clap. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?! Boss: What? I don't see anything. Wally; How do you like it so far?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #new product development, #stock buy back, #stock market, #dream, #using capitol, #money

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CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #light, #walk, #slower, #flies

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "According to Einstein, time slows down as you approach the speed of light." Dogbert asks, "Didn't he also prove that time flies when you're having fun?" Dogbert asks, "So, if you walk slower, do you have more fun or just get more light? Were we finished here?" Dilbert is gone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #devil, #lettuce, #prince of insufficient light, #phil, #penalty

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Dilbert stands in the kitchen looking at a grocery receipt and thinking, "Ha! The store under-charged me twelve cents, and I'm not telling them." Phil pokes Dilbert with his spoon and says, "Hey!" Dilbert says, "I know you. You're the Ruler of Heck, the 'Prince of Insufficient Light.'" Phil says, "Just call me Phil, please." Dilbert asks, "What's my penalty? Eternal damnation?" Phil says, "I'm just going to 'darn you' for fifteen minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #date, #home, #coffee, #brainella, #queen, #bee, #light, #bulbs

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Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "Pssst! Dogbert." Dilbert says, "I brought my date home for some coffee. Please don't make any comments about her . . . Uh . . . Looks." Dilbert brings his date in and says, "Brainella, this is Dogbert." Dogbert sees her large head and asks, "The Queen Bee of light bulbs?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #dreamed, #died, #light, #god, #ark, #comment, #incident, #armchair

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Dogbert covers his eyes with his paws and says, "I'm so embarrassed . . . I dreamed I died and saw the light of God . . ." Dogbert says to Dilbert who is wearing a bathrobe and holding a flashlight, "I trust you will just let this incident pass without comment." Dilbert says, "I command you to build an ark . . ." Dogbert growls.