Usual Formula Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

72 Results for Usual Formula

View 1 - 10 results for usual formula comic strips. Discover the best "Usual Formula" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #wages, #bounuses, #usual formula, #pure luck, #performance, #huge consumer demand, #bad job, #marketing, #engineers, #bonus, #hard wrok, #business, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your bonuses this year will be based on the usual formula. 50% is based on pure luck. And 50% is based on the performance of people you have never met. This year, the luck factor was good. Our industry experienced huge consumer demand. Unfortunately, people who you have never met did a bad job of marketing and sales are terrible. And for that, you engineers must be punished. No bonuses for you. Luckily for me, my bonus is based on how well I can convince you idiots to work hard while getting no bonuses. I don't like to brag, but I'm fairly sure I'm nailing it.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #financial model, #complicated, #formula errors, #management, #figures support, #schemes for career development, #life is ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #gravity, #formula, #drink, #fly, #famous, #people, #shower, #praise, #admiration, #attention, #pathetic, #bid, #Dogbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table and yells as a test tube flies out of his hands, "It works!! My anti-gravity formula works!!!" Dilbert continues, "If I drink it, I'll be able to fly! I'll be famous. People will shower me with praise and admiration!!" Dilbert sits on the wall over the television and says to Dogbert, "Notice anything?" Dogbert replies, "A pathetic bid for attention?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #formula, #society, #benefits, #century, #discovery, #anti-gravity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the wall and says to Dogbert, "My anti-gravity formula is the greatest discovery of this century!!" Dilbert looks down at Dogbert and says, "Just think of the benefits to society!!" Dogbert says, "You mean, after you float away?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #news, #discovered, #anti-gravity, #formula, #newsworthy, #weight, #exercising, #misleading, #unethical, #marketing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert floats in mid-air with a propeller attached to his back. He says into the phone, "Hello, ABC News? I've discovered an anti-gravity formula." Dilbert continues, "What?! It's not newsworthy?!" Dogbert says, "Tell him it lets you lose weight without exercising." Dilbert covers the telephone receiver and asks, "Isn't that misleading and unethical?" Dogbert replies, "There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #anti-gravity, #formula, #sneeze, #coming, #burritos, #soon

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert floats through the house thinking, "Dogbert wasn't even impressed by my anti-gravity formula." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh, I feel a sneeze coming . . ." Dilbert's sneeze propels him through the ceiling. Dogbert stands on a ladder under Dilbert's feet and says, "I guess we won't be going out for burritos anytime soon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #formula, #impress, #bird, #house, #conquered, #gravity, #waly, #hum, #weekend

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert floats through the air with a propeller strapped to his back. He thinks, "My anti-gravity formula should really impress the guys at work." Wally says, "I built a bird house this weekend." Dilbert says, "I conquered gravity." Another man says, "I taught myself to hum."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #anti-gravity, #company, #sagging, #skin, #gravity, #formula, #proud

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I sold my anti-gravity patent to a company who wants to bring the benefits to the world." A television commercial shows an old woman with sagging breasts in the "before" picture and the same woman with upturned breasts in the "after" picture. The announcer asks, "Tired of sagging skin?" The announcer continues, "Get the patented 'Dilbert Anti-Gravity Beauty Formula!'" Dogbert watches the tv advertisement and says, "You must be so proud."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #helen, #man, #resume, #requested, #formula, #calculate, #ratio, #height, #baldness, #Men, #different, #nights

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I hope you'll date me now, Helen. I brought my resume as you requested. Helen: There's a little formula I use to calculate the ratio of your earnings potential to your height and baldness... Hmm... You pass. Of course, I'll still date other men too. Man: On different nights?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #lab, #growth, #hair, #luck, #formula, #engineer, #inventor

View Transcript

Transcript

A door is marked "Dilbert's Lab." Dilbert walks out of the lab door. He has hair growing all over his body. Dogbert asks, "Any luck with your hair growth formula?" Dilbert replies, "Define 'luck.'"