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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 1995's comic on:

Tags #900 numbers, #valuable advice, #voice mail, #1990s

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Wally sits at his desk and tells Dilbert, "I got one of those '900' phone numbers. I make money every time somebody calls for my valuable advice." Wally's telephone rings several times. Dilbert asks, "Do you ever answer it?" Wally replies, "Voice mail . . . Get with the nineties."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2001's comic on:

Tags #dogcart consults, #create a strategy, #increase market share, #change, #valuable advice

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Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "It's easy to create a strategy." Dogbert continues, "Write down everything you do, preceded by the phrase, 'increase our market share by...'" The Boss asks, "What if we change what we do?" Dogbert responds, "Call me and I'll sell you some more valuable advice."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2004's comic on:

Tags #problem, #valuable advice, #stare at screen, #death, #gather data, #blinded by obvious, #medical

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The Boss: Try working around the problem. Dilbert: "Thank you for that valuable advice. I had planned to stare at my screen until I starved to death." The boss: "Gather data before making a decision." Dilbert: "GAAA! I've been blinded by the obvious!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2012's comic on:

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #career advice, #work hard, #destroy helath, #personal life, #happiness advice, #psychology

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Asok: Alice, do you have any valuable career advice? Alice: Work so hard that it destroys your health and crowds out any chance of having a personal life. Asok: Wouldn't that make me... unhappy? Alice: You didn't ask for happiness advice.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2010's comic on:

Tags #security guard, #shout, #technical advice, #career change, #loud, #yell, #mouth open, #reboot, #Promotion, #hobo, #sponge bath, #lobby fountain, #typo, #nervous

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Henry says, "Try rebooting." Dilbert says, "Who are you?" Henry says, "I'm Henry the security guard. I'm trying to evolve into a new career." Henry says, "I'm ignoring my real job while loudly giving technical advice to coworkers." Henry says, "Eventually, people will start to see me as a valuable technical resource. Promotions will follow." Dilbert says, "Do you know anything about technology besides 'try rebooting'?" The Boss says, "Henry, who let the hobo take a sponge bath in the lobby fountain?" Henry says, "Try rebooting! Try rebooting!" Dilbert says, "To fix a typo?"

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Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice

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Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2015's comic on:

Tags #Advice, #experience, #stock market, #lost savings, #past perfromance, #further returns, #money

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Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.

Advice

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Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2015's comic on:

Tags #ego, #talking, #conversation, #Advice, #insult, #insulting, #suggestion

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Coworker: Do you want some advice? Dilbert: Nope. Advice is just ego and ignorance disguised as helpfulness. Coworker: Then how will I hear myself talk? Dilbert: The supply cabinet has an awesome echo.

Advice Capture Device

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Advice Capture Device - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2015's comic on:

Tags #deception, #trick, #invention, #Advice, #silence, #gullible, #guile

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Dilbert: I invented headphones that will record all of your advice as you dispense it. This way it will be preserved for future generations. Wally: He thinks we can hear him? Dilbert: He also thinks it is recording.

What Advice Is

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What Advice Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2015's comic on:

Tags #help, #gratitude, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #misanthropy, #Advice

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Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!

Asking Successful People For Advice

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Asking Successful People For Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2018's comic on:

Tags #success, #Advice, #ambition

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Asok: Every time I ask a successful person for career advice, I get a different answer. Carol: My plan for success is to lull my boss into a fatal accident and take over his identity. Asok: I'm not asking unsuccessful people for advice. Carol: Is that how you talk to your future boss?