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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #work ethic, #worry, #indispensible, #fired, #useless, #riskier, #toe clip, #20 years of service

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Asok: Wally, should I try to become indispensable so I won't be fired? Wally: No. Indispensable people end up working too hard because they can't risk showing anyone else how to do what they do. Asok: Being useless seems riskier. Wally: Have you seen the tie clip I got for 20 years of service?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #conversation, #discussion, #valuable input, #hear alarm

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Boss: When are you meeting with the customer? I'll join you to add my valuable input. Noise: Slurp. Dilbert: Does everyone hear that alarm or is it only in my head? Boss: I can stay all afternoon.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #retail business, #service business, #buy company's prodcut, #pulling teeth, #commissions to salary, #free from tyranny, #customer service, #less than ideal, #no paperwork

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Dilbert: I want to buy your company's product but it's like pulling teeth with you. Man: Ha ha! I switched from commissions to a guaranteed salary. I'm free from the tyranny of customer service! Dilbert: This is less than ideal. Man: No paperwork for me! Woot! Woot!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2012's comic on:

Tags #dating, #fast date, #technologically, #incompatible, #internet connection, #slow connection, #4g service, #relationships

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Dogbert: That was a fast date. Dilbert: We were technologically incompatible. Her internet connection is slow, and there's no 4G service where she lives. How could I spend my time there? Dogbert: You could just talk. Dilbert: I like to show my sources.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2012's comic on:

Tags #dogs & puppies, #service monkey, #walking and texting, #guide obstacle

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Dilbert: Hey, Alice, do you have... Dog: She can't hear you. She's walking and texting. That's it... Easy does it. I'll guide you around this obstacle. Dilbert: What did I just see? Wally: I'm saving up for a service monkey.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2012's comic on:

Tags #service monkey, #questions, #respect, #monkey, #power point slides, #animals

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Carl: Im Wally's service monkey, I'll be fielding any questions directed at wally. The Boss: With all due respect, a business meeting is no place for a monkey. Carl: With all due respect, that was a stronger argument before I saw your powerpoint slides.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2012's comic on:

Tags #service animal, #monkey, #coffee cup, #dignified, #coffee warm, #animals

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Carl: Thought being a service animal would be a noble calling. But I worry that our relationship has drifted into something less dignified. wally: Thats what keeps my coffee warm. CarL: I am so angry right now.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #auto service, #question, #change oil, #new oil, #second, #option

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Dilbert enters an auto service store and says to an auto mechanic, "Just a quick question: is is necessary to change my oil . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Or can I just keep letting it run dry and then add new oil?" The car mechanic looks shocked. The mechanic screams and falls to the ground. Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "I think the answer is going to be 'no' to that second option."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1990's comic on:

Tags #judicial proceedings, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #valuable, #society, #free, #jury duty, #lives, #letter, #civic duty

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Dogbert reads a letter and says, "What a stupid waste of my valuable time." Dilbert says, "It's your civic duty. It's the small dues you pay for living in a just and free society." Dogbert replies, "Big whoopee." Dilbert says, "And you get to play God with other people's lives." Dogbert says, "Well, they should say that in the letter."