Value Plunged Comic Strips
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141 Results for Value Plunged
View 1 - 10 results for value plunged comic strips. Discover the best "Value Plunged" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday March 15,
1995
Tags #stock, #shares, #timely leaks, #media, #value plunged, #sell now, #fair share price, #want copy, #Entertainment
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a conference table with the Boss and three other managers. Dogbert says, "Your stock was $30 per share when I offered to buy the company, but thanks to some timely leaks to the media your value has plunged." Dogbert continues, "However, if you sell right now I'll pay the full $30 for your stock." The Boss says, "I recommend we do it." A manager hands the signed contract back to Dogbert and says, "Done. $30 per share is more than fair." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, 'per share' would have been fair. Anybody want a copy?" The Boss looks shocked.
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Friday April 22,
2011
Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #mindless task, #intern, #time, #little value, #jump out, #nice way to say
Transcript
Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.
Friday July 29,
2011
Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #engineers, #telomeres, #value work, #company gym, #slacker trap
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!
Sunday October 09,
2011
Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics
Transcript
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Monday April 02,
2012
Tags #inventions, #new app, #ten people created something, #population increases, #potentail value, #enter world, #unoriginal ideas, #agreeing
Transcript
Dilbert: Every time I have an idea for a new app, I discover that ten people already created something just like it. As the population of the world increases, the potential value of every idea I have approaches zero. Dogbert: So, it's the entire world's fault that you have unoriginal ideas? Dilbert: Why does your agreeing sound like mocking?
Tuesday July 17,
2012
Tags #homes value, #make money, #schedules, #office
Transcript
Carol: You only do the things I put on your schedule. And if we consider recent declines in your home's value, I make more money than you do. Boss: What's your point? Carol: It's as if you work for me now.
Saturday April 25,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #crisis, #image, #self, #value, #world, #jukebox, #room, #resources
Transcript
Dilbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Ratbert walks in and says, "I'm having a crisis of self image." Ratbert asks, "Do I, as a rat, add any value to the world? Or do I simply deplete its resources, then die?" The musical notes coming from the radio stick to Ratbert's body. He says, "Oh . . . Sorry . . . I sucked all the music out of the room."
Wednesday October 07,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #general, #department, #government, #cover-ups, #u.f.o., #abduction, #story, #untraceable, #poison, #good, #value, #tax, #dollar, #breath, #mint
Transcript
Dilbert opens the door and sees a man in a military uniform. The general says, "I'm a General from the Department of Government Cover-ups." The man continues, "If you tell your U.F.O. abduction story to the press we'll slay you with untraceable poison." Dilbert says, "I don't think I'm getting a good value for my tax dollar here." The General asks, "Breath mint?"
Wednesday March 09,
1994
Tags #assurance, #value, #average employee, #less of us, #more work, #downsizing, #layoffs, #warning, #fewer employees
Transcript
The Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase." Dilbert: "Is that because there will be less of us, doing more work?" "I'm right, aren't I?" The Boss: "Except for the 'us' part."