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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2005's comic on:

Tags #window facing cubicle, #available, #printer papaer, #free trip, #vendor, #sunlight, #bleach, #visible wood

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A prestigious window-facing cubicle has just become available. "It'll be a perfect place to store all the printer paper I bought so I could win a free trip from the paper vendor." "And maybe the sunlight wll bleach out the visible wood chips."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2011's comic on:

Tags #fighting, #trees, #ambassador of trees, #crimes against wood, #excessive printing, #copying, #biting, #bark is worse

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Tree: I am the ambassador of trees. You are accused of crimes against wood for your excessive printing and copying. Dilbert: And then he started biting me. Dogbert: His bark is worse.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #security guard, #entire, #mind, #transport, #magic, #wonder, #creativity, #balsa wood, #tastes

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Dilbert approaches the security guard in the lobby and thinks, "It must be great to be a security guard." Dilbert walks by the security guard and thinks, "You have the entire day to let your mind transport you to magic realms of wonder and creativity." The security guard thinks, "I wonder what balsa wood tastes like."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1995's comic on:

Tags #invisible to coworkers, #compensate, #symbiotic realtionship, #visible creature, #ratbert, #visual, #auditory link, #columbian coffee

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "You're invisible to your co-workers. But you can compensate by forming a symbiotic relationship with a visible creature." Ratbert joins Dilbert and Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "Ratbert will cling to your back. He'll be your visual and auditory link with your co-workers." Ratbert is suspended in midair between Wally and Alice. Ratbert says to Wally, "So . . . working hard? Or hardly working?" Wally looks into his coffee mug and responds, "I KNEW this Colombian coffee was trouble."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1996's comic on:

Tags #supreme ruler, #universe, #next movie, #the show, #embraced you, #befor ehsow, #no visible mouth

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Dogbert appears on the "Larry King Live" show. Dogbert says into the microphone, "Larry, I'm here to announce my candidacy for Supreme Ruler of the Universe." Larry says, "That's funny! Tell us about your next movie, Sharon." Dogbert replies, "I'm not Sharon Stone. I said that to get on the show." Larry says, "So . . . When I embraced you before the show . . ." Dogbert says, "I think we're both glad I have no visible mouth."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1997's comic on:

Tags #accident, #ask questions, #bury survivors, #dont embarrass boss, #highly visible, #meetings, #put them in trunk, #promoted

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "If you want to be promoted, you have to be highly visible." Dogbert says, "Ask questions at meetings. But make them easy so you don't embarrass your boss." Dilbert is in a meeting with Wally and the Boss. Dilbert says, "...So if there's an accident in a company car, where should we bury the survivors?" The Boss says, "I usually put them in the trunk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1998's comic on:

Tags #measurable objective, #technical writer, #measure good writing, #number of words, #compare projects to wood, #dogmatic babbling manager, #cognitive surrender

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The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1999's comic on:

Tags #power supply, #nail in wood, #vacation tomorrwo, #need changes

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Dilbert works on a computer with a screwdriver. A stupid looking man offers Dilbert a piece of wood with a nail in it. The dumb man says, "I didn't know how to design a power supply, so I put a nail in a piece of wood." The man says, "I'm on vacation tomorrow, so I'll give you my files in case you need to make changes." Dilbert holds the wood and looks mad. The stupid man says, "Once I had he idea, it all came together pretty quickly."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2001's comic on:

Tags #no raise, #not enough questions, #meetings, #care about job, #thirst for knowledge, #likes wood

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Asok the Intern sits across from the Boss. The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise. You don't ask enough questions in meetings." The Boss continues, "Questions show that you care about your job and have a thirst for knowledge." Asok is seen at a staff meeting, hand raised, asking, "Who else likes wood?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2003's comic on:

Tags #new tech lab, #pick contractor, #lowest bid, #force problems, #chance to gnaw wood, #beaver interview

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"