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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ufo, #warned, #talk, #circles, #leave, #wheat, #fields, #else, #Dogbert

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Dilbert's clothes look burned and smoke rises from his body. Dilbert says, "I was attacked by a UFO. They warned me not to talk about the circles they leave in wheat fields." The flying saucer returns and zaps Dilbert and Dogbert. Dilbert and Dogbert are both burned. Dilbert continues, "Then they said 'Or else.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #serious threat, #competitors, #consultants, #eat our lunch, #executive comapny, #hired security guard, #lunches, #safe, #figure of speech, #better than usuaal, #cafeteria

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The Boss stands next to an overhead projector and says, "Last week our consultants warned us about a serious threat." The Boss continues, "They said our competitors would 'eat our lunch.'" The Boss continues, "I'm happy to tell the executive committee that I leapt into action." The Boss continues, "I hired a security guard to protect the cafeteria." The Boss concludes, "Our lunches are safe." An executive says to another, "I always thought that was just a figure of speech." The woman replies, "Fool! Give me your department!" One executive shouts, "Let go of my hair!!" One of them slaps the other and someone shouts, "Ouch!!" The Boss thinks, "This is going better than usual." Dilbert asks a security guard, "Why is the cafeteria closed?" The guard replies, "Someone ate all the lunches." He burps.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 1998's comic on:


Tags #vast wisdom, #evil sadistic, #obstructionists, #trust no one, #except the lazy

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Asok the Intern enters Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, may I tap into your vast wisdom?" Wally turns and answers, "Okay, but make sure you pull out before your head explodes." Asok says, "I've noticed that many employees are evil, sadistic obstructionists." Asok continues, "Do all the nuts work HERE by some strange coincidence?" Asok continues, "Or are most employees evil?" Wally says, "Don't focus on the evil, Asok." Wally says, "Focus on the few employees who seem good." Wally continues, holding up his hand, "THEY'RE the ones who will stab you when you're sleeping! Trust no one but the lazy!" Asok runs out of the cubicle yelling, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally calls after him, "I warned you to pull out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #statue, #front entrance, #unlucky guy, #karl, #feed birds, #serving example

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our facilities management says the new statue by the front entrance isn't a statue." The Boss continues, "It's an unlucky guy named Karl who had been warned many times not to feed the birds." The Boss continues, "Then it talks about statistical clustering.. blah, blah, blah.. and serving an example."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #standardize dept.new programming, #language, #mass from hole, #objective, #vendor warning

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The Boss: "I've decided to standardize the department on a new programming language." Dilbert: "With all due respect, that sort of decision should be made by someone who knows his mass from a black hole." Dilbert: "The vendor warned me that you couldn't be objective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #wall of approval, #heckler, #conceptual bricks, #tough audience, #aggressive, #dislike

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Each department that signs off on the proposal adds a brick to the wall of approval." approval process " Alice: Question: What would happen if I flung one of those conceptual bricks at your conceptual, stupid head? They warned me you were a tough audience. Alice: Fling! Fling!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #write code, #faster, #high level of effciciency, #recognized, #rewarded, #works for you, #finish all projects, #one hour

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Asok: I found a clever way to write my application code in one hour! "Normally this sort of thing would take weeks." "I assume my high level of efficiency will be recognized and rewarded." Alice: "Let me know how that works out for you." The Boss: "You did all of that in one hour?" Asok: "Yes. I did." The Boss: "From now on. I expect you to finish all of your projects in one hours." "Otherwise I'll assume you're ripping off the company." Asok: "You could have warned me." Alice: "That's not how experience works."