Wear Watches Comic Strips
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185 Results for Wear Watches
View 1 - 10 results for wear watches comic strips. Discover the best "Wear Watches" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 04,
2001
Tags #software expenses, #marketing software expenses, #monkeys, #wear watches, #boss asks, #budget, #costs, #expenses
Transcript
The Boss sees Alice at her desk and asks, "Why are our software expenses higher than marketing's software expenses?" Alice replies, "For the same reason monkey's don't wear watches." Caption reads: "One hour later." The Boss returns and asks, "Does it involve fur in any way?"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday February 25,
2001
Tags #achieve goal, #analyze incoming email, #automate, #excellent plan, #online tech, #software, #throw rocks, #useful repsonse, #wear ski masks, #sarcas, #supportiveness, #engineering
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I have an idea!" The Boss continues, "We'll automate our online tech support." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our software will analyze incoming e-mail and send responses based on key words!" Dilbert, his tie flying up, says to The Boss, "That's an excellent plan." The Boss responds, "I know." Dilbert says, "But what about the one percent of our customers who actually get a useful response?" Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe we could wear ski masks and throw rocks at their houses." Dilbert says, "Then we could achieve our goal of 100% customer dissatisfaction! Whoo hoo!" Dilbert throws his arms up in the air as The Boss watches him. Dilbert thinks to himself, "Maybe I should work someplace where sarcasm and supportiveness are different things."
Monday August 15,
2011
Tags #conversation, #suspicion, #no clue, #software works, #wear noisier shoes, #talk behind back
Transcript
Dilbert: Wow, the guy who wrote this doesn't have a clue how software works. Man: When you talk about people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what you say about me. Alice: I think we just solved that mystery. Dilbert: You should wear noisier shoes.
Thursday February 09,
2012
Tags #benefits, #boss, #employee, #huge equity poistion, #questing, #start up, #wear whatever, #work at home
Transcript
Boss: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean I can wear whatever I want, work at home, and have a huge equity position in the company? Boss: Oh, I guess I didn't know what that meant.
Monday June 04,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #personality, #cult, #wear, #bathrobes, #picture, #back, #run, #naked, #attractive, #people
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to form a personality cult to honor me." Dogbert continues, "I'll take everybody's money and make them wear bathrobes with my picture on the back." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to brand them and let them run naked?" Dogbert replies, "As a rule, we're not talking about attractive people here."
Wednesday January 16,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #museum, #tazmanian, #woogat, #silk, #cheap, #polyester, #shirts, #wear, #gift, #shop
Transcript
Dogbert leads a man and a woman through the museum. Dogbert says, "'Dogbert's Museum of the Strange and Amazing' is the only place you can find . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . A shirt woven entirely from a single thread of Tazmanian woogat silk." The man says, "It looks like the cheap polyester shirts that I wear." Dogbert says, "In that case, this is the gift shop."
Saturday October 31,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Astrology, #stars, #personality, #seasonal, #differences, #sunlight, #natural, #mothers, #predictable, #results, #fetal, #brain, #ancients, #measure, #patterns, #watches
Transcript
Dilbert helps Dogbert onto a rock as he says, "It's amazing that people believe in astrology . . . As if the stars could affect your personality." Dogbert replies, "Well, seasonal differences in diet, sunlight and natural rhythms could affect expectant mothers, which could have predictable results on fetal brain development." Dogbert continues, "Maybe the ancients simply used the stars to measure the timing of these patterns." Dilbert asks, "If they were so smart, why didn't they invent watches?"
Friday July 15,
1994
Tags #carpal tunnel, #surgery, #carpool, #room in carpool, #permanent damges, #wear braces, #medical
Transcript
"I hear you need a carpool urgently." "No, I need 'carpal tunnel surgery'." "The repetitive motion of typing has caused permanent damage. I have to wear braces until the surgery." "There's no room in my carpool."
Tuesday August 02,
1994
Tags #ad agency, #dogberts, #new slogan, #essence, #captures, #we abuse employees, #pass savings, #squalid cubicles, #wear that shirt
Transcript
Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Ive developed a new slogan that captures the essence of those company. "we abuse our employess and pass the savings to you" We'll film actual employees in their squalid cubicles. The boss: Wear that shirt
Tuesday August 08,
1995
Tags #new dress code, #insane, #fridays are casual, #can't wear jeans, #feel good, #already own, #sadistic plot, #make people quit
Transcript
Alice stands in front of Catbert's desk. Alice says, "I don't understand your new dress code policy, Mr. Catbert." Catbert replies, "Maybe you're insane." Catbert continues, "It's simple. Fridays are 'casual.' But you can't wear blue jeans because jeans look good and feel good and you already own several pairs." Alice replies angrily, "It's another sadistic human resources plot to make people quit!!" Catbert answers, "Say hello to unsightly panty lines."