Web Productivity Commitee Comic Strips

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230 Results for Web Productivity Commitee

View 1 - 10 results for web productivity commitee comic strips. Discover the best "Web Productivity Commitee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #website, #business case, #web productivity commitee, #technology

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Dilbert tells the Boss who is sitting behind his desk: "I need to see a web site that's blocked by our I.S. Group." The Boss replies: "Submit a business case to the Web Productivity and Security Committee." A snail approaches Dilbert while he is typing at his terminal and says to him: "Hey, bro, where's your shell? This ain't casual day."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #calculated, #total time, #humans wait, #web pages, #information age, #big plot, #web is plot, #normal society

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Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert says, "I calculated the total time that humans have waited for Web pages to load . . ." Dilbert continues, "It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age." Dilbert says, "Sometimes I think the Web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, he's on to me."

If You Double Your Productivity

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If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

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Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.

Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity

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Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #useless, #laziness, #productivity, #flaw, #strength, #health

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Wally: Some people say uselessness is a character flaw. I see it as the natural result of mindful resistance to the tyranny of productivity. Dilbert: Where do you think food comes from? Wally: From my critics. It's a great system.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #friendship, #laziness, #wing man, #for laziness, #productivity retardant, #high priority, #relationships

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Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #plunging productivity, #8 year old boy, #traylor, #germs, #doctor, #allergies, #gives to mom, #medical

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CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #electric, #cattle prod, #employee, #productivity, #zap, #rubber end

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss approaches him thinking, "Let's see if my idea of using an electric cattle prod will boost employee productivity." The Boss gives himself an electric shock. The Boss's clothes are burned and smoke rises from his body. The Boss thinks, "Mental note: hold rubber end."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #unimportant, #requires, #action, #route, #subordinate, #inflating, #perceived, #importance, #destroying, #morale, #productivity, #luck, #copies

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The Boss sits at his desk looking through a stack of documents and thinking, "Here's something else that's totally unimportant yet requires action." The Boss thinks, "I'll route it to a subordinate, thus inflating its perceived importance and destroying both morale and productivity." The Boss thinks, "What luck, I got two copies!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #productivity, #daydreaming, #irene, #accounting, #engineering, #ordinary, #betty, #marketing

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Wally says to Dilbert and Ted, "My productivity is shot. I can't stop daydreaming about Irene in accounting." Ted says, "Do what I did. Try to phase out of it by daydreaming of Laura in engineering, then move to the ordinary-looking Betty in marketing." Wally replies, "Now I'm daydreaming about all three of them." Ted replies, "Same thing happened to me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #elbonian men, #Dilbert, #productivity

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An Elbonian says to Dilbert, "Thank you for teaching us 'quality' techniques." The Elbonian continues, "Manufacturing defects are down fifty percent since we all joined 'quality teams.'" The other Elbonian says, "Yes!" The Elbonian asks, "How's our productivity, Yorgi?" Yorgi replies, "Down fifty percent." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "They're on to me."