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104 Results for Welcome
View 1 - 10 results for welcome comic strips. Discover the best "Welcome" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday September 14,
1994
Tags #not welcome, #against rules, #eat ratbert, #work not done, #natural enemy, #keyboard, #mouse, #computer, #technology
Transcript
"You're not welcome here, Cat. It's against house rules to eat Ratbert." "My work here is not done until I have pounced on my natural enemy." "Who are you, and what are you doing on my keyboard?"
Saturday December 03,
2005
Tags #hammerhead bob, #expert, #many topics, #not welcome, #converstaion, #irritable, #dadelion root, #cramp root
Transcript
Hammerhead Bob "Hey, what are you talking about? I'm an expert on many topics." "Try to get this through your thick head: You are not welcome in our conversation." "Irritable, eh? Try cramp bark and dandelion root."
Friday September 19,
2014
Tags #competition, #engineers, #not fierce, #sex appeal, #sexiest, #welcome
Transcript
Tina: You have been named one of the sexiest engineers in the world. At the risk of sounding unkind, the competition was not fierce. Dilbert: I'm one of the sexiest engineers in the world. Wally: Welcome to the club.
Tuesday April 30,
2019
Welcome Baskets
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #racism, #new employee
Transcript
alice, the boss and ask at table. the boss: i need a volunteer to assemble welcome baskets for our new hires. alice: i recommend ask the intern because obviously, it would be sexist to ask a women to do it. the boss: good point. ask, the project is yours. ted thinking: racist.
Wednesday March 23,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #work-life balance, #implies life is impirtant, #work-life intergration, #big thanks, #never had a life
Transcript
Catbert says, "We're no longer using the term 'work-life balance' because it implies that your life is important." Catbert says, "Now we call it 'work-life integration' so it's easier to make you work when you would prefer being with loved ones." Catbert says, "And I'd like to give a big thanks to those of you who never had a life." Dilbert says, "You're welcome."
Saturday August 06,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #clubs, #meetings, #society for the preservation of evil ideas, #file patents, #sue for infringement, #embezzle, #Entertainment
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.
Tuesday August 23,
2011
Tags #commerce, #fraternization, #creepy new vendor, #did laundry, #creepy, #made sandwhiches
Transcript
Dilbert: Our new vendor is creepy. He's trying to form a relationship with me. Man: I went to your house and did your laundry. You're welcome. Wally: How creepy could it be? Man: I made us sandwiches. You're out of mayo.
Tuesday October 11,
2011
Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised
Transcript
CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.
Sunday December 04,
2011
Tags #car pool, #saving planet, #steal time, #theif, #hitch a ride, #hero, #ride in trunk, #pretend, #sneaky, #leave work
Transcript
Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!
Tuesday May 22,
2012
Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #too big to fail, #two pigs, #flail, #clever, #demoralizing
Transcript
Boss: Are we too big to fail? CEO: Nope. We're more like two pigs that flail. Boss: That's clever, and yet demoralizing. CEO: You're welcome.