Winning Trades Comic Strips
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48 Results for Winning Trades
View 1 - 10 results for winning trades comic strips. Discover the best "Winning Trades" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 12,
2011
Tags business ethics, stock market, hedge fund, million dollars, insider trading, algorithm, winning trades, create algorithm, eat fiber, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Monday November 24,
2014
Winning The Bid
Tags bidding, executives, lying, outsourcing, projects, winning bid, good news, secretly subcontract, scream, presentation
Transcript
Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.
Friday October 06,
1989
Tags Dogbert, juggling, Dilbert, game, play, winning
Transcript
Dogbert sits on the hassock. He hears, "Boink-ouch! Boink-ouch! Boink-ouch!" Dogbert gets off the hassock and walks toward the noise. Dilbert lies face-down on the floor with juggling pins around him. Dogbert says, "Maybe juggling isn't your sport." Dilbert says, "It's not winning that counts; it's how you play the game."
Sunday January 10,
1999
Tags how to book, teach people, winning lottery numbers, find free real estate, lose weight, tubs of ice cream, strong abs, see angels, near death experience, get rid witnesses
Transcript
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Tuesday January 02,
2001
Tags mouse cramp, elbonian prison wall, chained upside down, winning converstaion, topper, annoying, one better
Transcript
Dilbert, Topper and Wally are sitting at a table. Dilbert, wiggling his fingers, says, "I'm getting a mouse cramp." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "I spent seven years chained upside down to an Elbonian prison wall." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "At the risk of sounding too competitive, I believe I'm winning this conversation."
Tuesday January 01,
2002
Tags winning bid contract, read the minds, competetors, bid lower, blocked by dense mass
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I want you to put together the winning bid for this contract." Dilbert responds, "No problem, I'll just read the minds of our competitors and bid lower." Dilbert continues, "I'm picking up something now... But it's partly blocked by a dense mass."
Wednesday January 02,
2002
Tags billion dollars, lose bid, winning less work, cost estimates
Transcript
Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."
Friday May 30,
2003
Tags new product brochures, design awards, great, award winning designer, can't stop complaining
Transcript
In a meeting, a co-worker hands Dilbert a brochure and exclaims, "The new product brochures have already won design awards!" Dilbert responds, "That's great, but our product won't do any of the things you claim here." The co-worker crosses his arm and says, "Well, who should we believe - the award-winning designer or the guy who can't stop complaining?"
Saturday July 05,
2003
Tags winning streak, snowball, poker snowman, turn up heat, four queens, turn up furnace, melt snowman
Transcript
Headline: Meanwhile In Heck... Phil is playing poker with a snowman. Phil says, "You're on a winning streak, Snowball." Phil goes over to the thermostat and adjusts the temperature. He says, "But let's see what happens to your chances when I turn up the heat!" Phil says into the telephone, "That's right - the furnace is broken again!" Snowball says, "Four queens."
Tuesday August 19,
2003
Tags huge galatians project, disqualified, one minute late, future depends on win bid, winning bid, future of company, can't be late, line dancing sign
Transcript
"After months of work, I finished our bid for the huge galatikus project." "I'll deliver it to them." "If it's on minute late, we'll be disqualified. The future of our company depends on us winning this bid." "He must think I'm a... Whoa, what's this?" "Irish line dancing lessons 10% off."