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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #alien, #bring technology, #handle oa agavel, #new guy, #order in the court, #simpletons, #snout, #working out, #health

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I came to this company to bring the technology of my advanced culture to you simpletons. "Has anyone ever told you that your snout is like the handle of a gavel?" "A what?" "How's the new guy working out?" "ORDER IN THE COURT!" BAM BAM BAM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1998's comic on:


Tags #new hire, #not working, #no head, #headless man, #made mistake hiring, #fired, #insubordination

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Dilbert walks up to the Boss. Dilbert guides the headless man by the collar. Dilbert says, "The new guy isn't working out." The Boss says, "Why not?" Dilbert says, "Maybe because he has no head." The Boss frowns. The Boss says,"So, you think that I made a mistake hiring him?" Dilbert says, "Um... no. But the new guy thinks so." The boss shakes his fists. The Boss says, "Then he's fired for insubordination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style

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Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #secretary, #department, #image, #problem, #crush, #paper clip, #Dogbert

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A man asks Dilbert, "How's the new secretary for the department working out?" Dilbert replies, "I think he's having a self-image problem." The secretary sits at his desk and says, "Sure, I'm a secretary, but watch me crush this paper clip!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #amoeba, #boss, #cry, #cubicle, #doing work, #gets fired, #key board, #one cell organism, #secrete

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The Boss: This isn't working out. I have to let you go, Maybe you can get your old job back at far works. The Boss: Great, Now he's going to secrete.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2006's comic on:


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CHIPS "Hello Dogbert. I am here to persuade you to give your billions to third world countries." "If guilt does not work, I am prepared to wrestle you for it." "How's your decoy working out?" "He's got Bono in a headlock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #bart simpson, #app, #facial recognition, #full bio, #dry erase marker

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Dilbert: Hi my name is... woman: Dont bother My app does facial recognition and searches all social media to give me your full biography. Dilbert: hows that working out? You're either Bart Simpson or a huge dry erase marker.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #checked box, #drink more, #face lift, #long neck, #see over cubicles, #too high, #disproportinate

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"Then I found out there are two kinds of face-lifts." "I accidentally checked the box for the kind that lets you see over the top of your cubicle." "So I try to drink more, but that isn't working out either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #optimism, #flattened management structure, #uptick in fork attacks, #insider trading, #benefits, #stock portfolio up, #sciatica better, #business

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CEO: How's our new flattened management structure working out? Boss: I'm seeing an uptick in fork attacks and insider trading. CEO: Now tell me the benefits. Boss: My sciatica no longer hurts. And my stock portfolio is way up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

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Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.