Search Results for "worlds greatest art"
Share August 06, 1998's comic on:
The boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at the conference table. The boss says, "We won the bid to create a digital archive of the world's greatest art." The boss says, "This will give us a chance to fix any errors made by the artists." Wally says, "Errors?" The boss says, "For example, there was a guy who used too much blue for a whole period."
Share August 07, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his computer. The boss stands. Dilbert says, "We've digitized and indexed the world's greatest art. This is 'The Last Supper.'" The boss says, "Nice but..." The boss says, "The composition is cluttered. Delete a few of those guys. Do you have any clip art of bagels?" The boss says, "Do they look happy?" Dilbert says, "Compared to me, yes."
Share August 08, 1998's comic on:
Tina the tech writer interviews Dilbert. Dilbert says, "I'm creating a digital archive of the world's greatest art. But my boss insists on "fixing" the artists' mistakes." Tina laughs. Tina the tech writer says, "This is such a funny story for the newsletter!" The boss sit at his desk. The boss says, "It's a funny story, but change 'fixing' to 'dramatically improving.'" Tina clenches her fists in agony.
Share April 01, 2015's comic on:
Dilbert: You are being hailed as the best economist of our age because your random jargon turned out to mean something. Wally: That's nice, but as a professional economist, I only care if there is a cash award. Dilbert: The world's greatest economist should already be rich. Wally: It's more art than science.
Share July 20, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: I've created the world's greatest smartphone. Boss: Wow. This is so amazing that I'll need to kill you so our competitors never learn how to imitate it. Dilbert: Or you could give me a huge bonus. Boss: Okay, sure. I'll have a guy on a motorcycle attach it to your car.
Share April 13, 2005's comic on:
ASOK: "Alice, you are looking at the newest member of "the world's greatest interns." Alice: "That's a scam to convince gullible interns to buy overpriced wall plaques." Asok: "I'll be displaying you less prominently than we had discussed."
Share May 14, 2010's comic on:
Dilber thinks, "The world's greatest engineer prepares to do battle with the world's worst user interface." Dilbert thinks, "I hope that did something." Computer says, "Your social security number has been sold."
Share May 04, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."
Share February 18, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, you have been chosen to design the world's safest nuclear power plant." Dilbert replies, "This is the greatest assignment that any engineer could hope for. I'm flattered by the trust you have in me." The Boss responds, "By 'safe' I mean 'not near my house.'"
Share July 10, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.