Search Results for "worst team memeber"
Share December 13, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Creative Design. A man points to materials and says, "Each team has one hour to design and build a mock-up using these common materials." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: doesn't this sort of exercise usually get dominated by the worst team member?" The Boss responds, "Don't worry, we can just ignore Alice's suggestions." Alice clenches her teeth in anger.
Share October 13, 2002's comic on:
The Boss points to a slide and says, "The three pillars of our pyramid are communication, integrity, and teamwork." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Since when do pyramids have pillars?" The Boss responds, "Answer: Shut up." Alice raises her hand and says, "Problem: All of my team members are idiots." Alice continues, "If I communicate my honest opinion of their ideas, I won't be a team player." Alice continues, "But if I pretend to agree with their bad ideas, I won't have integrity." Alice continues, "So instead of being a pyramid, can I be a two-legged stool like you?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Wow! That was much better than my pillar question." Wally asks Alice, "Aren't I on your team?"
Share January 18, 2001's comic on:
THE AD AGENCY: The Boss asks Pete Peters of the Creative Team, "Is it wise to insult all of these minority groups in our commercial?" Pete says to The Boss, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" The Boss asks, "Does our company have to spit on a flag?" Pete says, "That's it; you're on my 'difficult client' list now."
Share October 17, 2015's comic on:
Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.
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Share June 17, 2011's comic on:
Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.
Share July 20, 2011's comic on:
Wally: Is it okay if I spend the next week balancing traffic loads on our newtork? Asok: I thought I told you that our hardware vendor already did that. Wally: Worst wingman ever. Asok: Shame is my name!
Share October 15, 2011's comic on:
Alice: I'm so frustrated that I want to cry, but I refuse to fall into the stereotype. Asok, I'm making you my surrogate crier. This might hurt a little. Asok: Worst meeting ever. Dilbert: I thought you did a good job on the high notes.
Share November 20, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?