Wally: I have a work-related injury, so I need a year off with pay. Catbert: What happened? Wally: I was drinking coffee and listening to a podcast while surfing the Internet for personal reasons. Now my buttocks hurt. Catbert: I think I'm within my rights to kill you.
Asok says, to the boss, "I've finished all my objectives for the rest of the year." Asok says, "What happens now? Do you double my salary, or do I take the rest of the year off?" Asok carries a huge pile of papers down the hall, Asok says , to Wally, "You were wrong Wally: there is harm in asking." Wally says, "ooops."
Carol enters Ted's cubicle and says, "Ted, your ten year service party will be on Tuesday." Ted replies, "I'm having surgery on Tuesday." Carol responds, "Maybe you could drop off a casserole on your way."
The boss: "Remember to use all of your vacation time before year end."
Asok: "I'm off next week."
The Boss: "What! I curse you for taking time off when we have so much work to do! DIE, DIE, DIE!!!" "Anyway, the point is that vacations help relieve your stress."
Dilbert: The government will never find me off the grid. G-Man 1: He went off the grid. G-Man 2: Problem solved. The boredom will kill him in two days. Dilbert: Looking at a stick. Still looking at a stick.
boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year."
dilbert: how much did that cost?
boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads.
dilbert: did we need those ads?
boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.
boss and dilbert on video call.
dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off?
boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck.
dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls.
boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement.
dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed.
boss: next time, start with that.
The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."
Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
