2013 Comic Strips
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Character
Tuesday January 01,
2013
Tags #new year's day, #optimism, #network down, #bad new years day, #good year
Transcript
Dilbert: A fresh new year is upon us and I am brimming with optimism. Ugh. Our network at work is down because my pointy-haired boss wouldn't let me upgrade the software. Now I need to work all night to fix it. Maybe this means the next 364 days will be extra awesome. Dogbert: Yeah. That's how it works.
Wednesday January 02,
2013
Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #good leader, #ego, #great leaders, #awesome, #business
Transcript
Catbert: A good leader puts his team ahead of his own ego. Boss: What do great leaders do? I'm thinking it's the opposite, right? Catbert: They don't do what you just did. Boss: They don't be awesome?
Thursday January 03,
2013
Tags #dress cassually, #drive innovation, #flex hours, #frustration, #optimism, #start up culture, #valued work
Transcript
Boss: We need to foster more of a start-up culture to drive innovation. Dilbert: So we get to dress casually, work flex hours, feel that our work is valued, and get equity in the company. Boss: What would be the name of a culture where people work hard but don't get any of those things you just mentioned.
Friday January 04,
2013
Tags #online (web) news, #news manufaturer, #online media, #misleading headlines, #snarky bow, #news naturally, #engineer, #news magic, #engineering
Transcript
Dogbert: I got a job as a news manufacturer for an online media company. I quote people out of context, add misleading headlines and tie it all up with a snarky bow. Dilbert: I thought the news occurred naturally. Dogbert: "Entineer Thinks News is Magic."
Saturday January 05,
2013
Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #never anticiptae, #first draft, #business
Transcript
Boss: I need you to help prepare me for my meeting tomorrow. Write up some answers to the questions we could never anticipate. Dilbert: I wouldn't expect much out of my first draft.
Sunday January 06,
2013
Tags #complaining, #team members, #work, #motivation, #make waves
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.
Monday January 07,
2013
Tags #coffee, #coffee & tea, #energy source, #laziness, #organic devices, #plant seeds
Transcript
Wally: This week I tested a source of energy that can power organic devices. It's made from plant seeds and water. Boss: Is the energy source called coffee? Wally: Let's talk about Dilbert's project. I hear it's a mess.
Tuesday January 08,
2013
Tags #absent mindedness, #frustration, #design, #specs, #deadlines, #schedule, #incompetence
Transcript
Coworker: Did you finish the design according to my specs? Dilbert: Yep. Coworker: Hypothetically, if I had forgotten to mention several features, would that be a problem? And let's say the deadline is still the same. Dilbert: No problem. I always plan my schedule around your incompetence.
Wednesday January 09,
2013
Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #actionable anlytics, #big data, #new jargon, #accelrate, #business
Transcript
Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.
Thursday January 10,
2013
Tags #best customers, #combo pack, #creepy bearded guys, #potato chips, #retail business, #tissues
Transcript
Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.