2017 Comic Strips
Search Filters
Year
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
Sunday January 01,
2017
Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business
Transcript
Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.
Monday January 02,
2017
Programming Environment
Tags #productivity, #programmer, #engineer, #developer, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish writing the software? Dilbert: No. I spent the last three days setting up my programming environment. Boss: So... you've done... nothing? Dilbert: Nothing you'd understand.
Tuesday January 03,
2017
Technical Debt
Tags #deadline, #stress, #pressure, #coding, #programmer, #mistake, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the software yet? Dilbert: No, I'm still paying off the technical debt from the last programmer you rushed. Boss: I don't know what that means. Dilbert: Well, that explains a lot.
Wednesday January 04,
2017
Ruining Dilbert's Flow
Tags #stress, #deadline, #work load, #multitask, #compensation, #money
Transcript
Boss: I'm giving you another software project to work on at the same time as your main project. Dilbert: That will ruin my flow. It will take too long to reset my brain when I switch between projects. Boss: Have you tried working longer hours without extra pay? Dilbert: Yes I have!
Thursday January 05,
2017
Boss Needs One Minute
Tags #attention, #developer, #distraction, #frustration
Transcript
Boss: Do you have a minute? Dilbert: Yes. But I don't have the fifteen minutes it will take me to get back into the coding "zone" after your interruption. Boss: I only need one minute. Dilbert: What planet are you from?
Friday January 06,
2017
It Sounded Like Feng Shui
Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #distraction, #attention
Transcript
Boss: Why haven't you finished writing the software? Dilbert: Because each of your interruptions took me out of the zone and turned a simple task into a nightmare. Catbert: What did he mean by that? Boss: It sounded like some sort of feng shui.
Saturday January 07,
2017
Boss Thought Of It First
Sunday January 08,
2017
Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.
Monday January 09,
2017
Punishment By Talking
Tags #deadline, #time, #time management, #managers, #perspective
Transcript
Boss: Why is your project taking so long? Dilbert; It isn't. It only seems like a long time to you because you don't know how to do anything. Boss: I know how to punish you for being late. Dilbert: Does it involve talking to me while I'm trying to work?
Tuesday January 10,
2017
Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job
Tags #talking, #conversation, #boring, #annoy, #quitting, #boredom
Transcript
Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.