Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?"
Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore."
"Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap."
"I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating."
"Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me."
"Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product."
"Lastly, I'll write children's books."
Dilbert: "What about rehab?"
"Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers."
Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."