Boss: I need to talk to you about your apple-eating.
Dilbert: My what?
Boss: Every afternoon you eat an apple at your desk. Your co-workers are complaining because it's loud. They can't work with all of your crispy chewing noise.
Dilbert: In my defense, my co-workers are so incompetent that the less work they do, the better off the company is.
Boss: That is a surprisingly robust defense. I'll come back if I can think of a counter-argument.
Dilbert: Good luck. Crunch.